Coping with grief

Recognise, first, that people - friends, family, work colleagues - will all want to be there for you. They may not know what to say, or worry about saying the 'wrong' thing, they may be grieving themselves - but they will all want to support you in any way they can.

Talk to them, lean on them, tell them your stories and memories of the person you have lost. Allow them to do practical 'stuff' that makes each day a little easier. If you are really struggling to cope, don't be afraid to reach out for professional help, whether that be a medical professional, charity support or even, if you have access to it, via your workplace.

Grief and bereavement can trigger profound mental shock - emotions such as disbelief, guilt, anger, and profound sadness - but it is less well-known that it can generate very physical side-effects, too.

These can include loss of sleep, loss of appetite, an inability to think or concentrate properly, mental health issues (including stress and anxiety), and even an increased likelihood of heart attacks or diabetes. This video outlines some of the physical as well as mental health symptoms that can accompany grief.

As this useful self-help guide from Marie Curie highlights, it is important to recognise that grieving is normal. Lower your expectations of yourself; don't beat yourself up if you're not able to keep on top of things.

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you make sense of what's happened and work through your grief. It may also help you to collate and gather your memories of the person you have lost, the visual images in your head, and help you to make sense of how you're feeling.

Yes, it can feel uncomfortable talking about death or loss. It is only natural to worry that you might say the wrong thing, and this guide from the Co-op may help to avoid some of the most common pitfalls.

Yet, as this resource from Mind also makes clear, staying silent after a bereavement is not a good idea. Pretending it simply hasn't happened or brushing it under the carpet can make someone in grief feel even more isolated, alone or ignored.

Having said that, there is no 'right' way to grieve, as this video also highlights. Someone who is grieving may want to open up and talk about their loss. Equally, just sitting with them in silence - while it may feel awkward - may be just as valuable.

This guide provides helpful advice on how to talk to someone who is grieving. Importantly, it highlights the importance of continuing to talk even after the initial shock of bereavement has passed.

In almost every piece of advice on bereavement support, the importance of listening will be at or near the top of the list. Don't make this about you or your feelings - even if you are feeling the loss yourself.

Within this, recognise that you will not be able to 'fix' someone's grief. So, give them space to go over what's happened. Telling stories about your memories of the person - and of course listening to theirs - can be helpful.

Bear in mind, people who are grieving will often want to repeat - possibly again and again - details about the person's illness or death. Or they may repeat the same stories from their past together.

As this guide from Marie Curie emphasises, saying things like, "I remember you telling me that and it's a great memory to have..." may be more helpful than shutting them down with "yes, you've told me that before".

It is important not to expect, or assume, that a bereaved person will ever 'get over' the death of someone close, especially that they will move on from their grief in a specific timeframe.

In time, the pain will (probably) become less overwhelming, but there will inevitably be difficult times or moments years, even decades, later.

To that end, remembering - or at the very least not forgetting - dates where grief may be worse or come flooding back is important. So, a birthday, anniversary or dates like Mother's or Father's or Valentine's Day, for example, may be difficult, especially in the first few years.

As well as emotional support, be there at a practical level for the bereaved person. Offering to help with practical things can be really helpful when someone is grieving.

Bear in mind, people who are grieving often feel drained, exhausted or find it difficult to make decisions. Offering to do something specific, like picking up the children to go swimming or to their sports club, dropping round with a meal that you can prepare and serve, or even just mowing the lawn for them can all be more valuable than saying, "anything you need, just ask".